While living in Jakarta with my family, I often wore low-cut tops and belly free shirts. I would walk around the house in a pair of underwear and a shirt thrown over it. My whole family was ok with the way I dressed. When we had a visitor, a girl in her twenties, she walked around the house in just a blouse. Even when my dad was there, and everyone was completely alright with it.
I recently moved to Germany, where I was living with my mom for a month, after she left, I was going to move in with my godparents. A week before my mom went back to Indonesia, we all went to dinner together (with my godmother and one of her daughters). I wore a spaghetti top with a jacked over it, leaving it unzipped.
While we were on the way to our cars, my godmother called me out on my top, saying that it was way too much cleavage. In my opinion it was a completely alright amount of cleavage and when I asked my mom later, she said that it was fine too.
I went home with my godmother and her daughter, since I was going to be sleeping over at their house that night. During the drive home, they continued attacking me over my outfit choice. My godmother said that I could never dress like that to school because everyone would be gossiping about me. She also said that teachers would be distracted, which I found completely disgusting.
For school the next day, she made me borrow one of her tops because she refused to let me go in mine. I was extremely annoyed, but what could I do. I obeyed and put on her top hoping that this wasn’t going to be a continuous problem.
Soon after, the week was over, my mom went back to Indonesia and I moved in with my godfamily (if you can say that). On the first day, I woke up, went to my suitcase (I hadn’t unpacked yet), and just grabbed the first thing that I could find. I put on a pair of black jeans, a black spaghetti top and an oversized military jacket.
When I picked that spaghetti top, I didn’t think anything of it. I didn’t choose it because I wanted to show off my boobs, I didn’t choose it to impress the boys. I just picked it because it worked with my outfit, and because I thought that it would look good. I choose my clothes depending on the outfit, and depending on how good it looks. I never buy a top because I think that it has good cleavage, unless maybe it’s a top to go to a club or something.
I had completely forgot about how much my godmother hated cleavage bearing tops, and was a bit taken aback when she immediately gave me the meanest look when she saw me. She told me that she didn’t like it, but she didn’t make me change since I was already late for school.
Later, I decided to start ballet again. I got dressed – put on a leotard and kept my bra on, because I didn’t want my boobs to bounce around. I was admiring the look in the mirror when my godmother came around the corner and told me that I can’t go with the back of my bra showing like that. The leotard was low cut in the front and low cut in the back, and of course she had a problem with that.
I agreed that the ballet leotard had a lot of cleavage, but that wasn’t going to stop me from wearing it. I obviously wasn’t wearing it to impress any boys, since there weren’t any boys in the ballet class. If a girl who didn’t have as much boobs wore the leotard, it would have been completely fine. It’s not my fault that I have breasts. It’s genetics!
I don’t think that girls should be shamed for having boobs, since it’s obviously not their choice to have them (unless they got implants). I wasn’t wearing anything to enhance the size of my breasts, no push up bra, no nothing. The bra that I was wearing didn’t have wire, nor did it have padding. I felt discriminated against, and I felt that I was being shamed for something that wasn’t even my fault.
There are some girls who have bigger breasts, who enjoy putting them out there. And who wear certain tops just to show off to the boys. Because of those girls, all girls are judged.
I woke up another morning and picked out another outfit just because I thought it looked good. This outfit completely covered me from head to toe. It was a long sleeve black turtleneck with the same pair of jeans. The same thing was going through my head as the time where I picked out the other outfit that was too “revealing”.
I wasn’t thinking that I had to cover myself up more, I literally just picked it because I thought it would look good. Also, I had just dyed my hair a bluish grey and I thought that the all black would make my hair pop.
People think that girls spend hours trying to find the perfect outfit to impress boys, when in reality, we just wear whatever we want to and people make up stories to go with it.
Some people will always cover up more than others. It depends on how we were raised, and it depends on our surroundings. I was raised in Japan and Indonesia. In Japan, the people were really open. The girls always wore their mini skirts, and they had onsens, where people would bathe naked together in hot water. In Indonesia, even though the country is muslim, in the expat community it was completely alright to wear western clothes. The girls always had their makeup done perfectly, and wore whatever they damn pleased.
My mom is also very open. She rarely wears a bra, wears short things, wears low cut tops. She even sometimes wears belly free things – which I don’t exactly approve of with a fifty year old woman, but good for her. The thing is, she doesn’t have boobs. She literally has nothing. So if she wears low cut things it doesn’t bother anyone.
When she was younger, she was always going topless at the beach, and always wearing short things, sometimes even white see through tops without a bra. And her dad encouraged her. She goes to nude beaches and is just completely open. Which is why she never really had any problems with how I dressed.
My godmother on the other hand grew up in a modest household where she always covered herself. Her sister’s daughter is also living with us, and she said that my outfit choices are outrageous. It’s just their family and how they were raised, since my little sister loves my outfits.
I was told that I couldn’t be seen by her friends in my outfits, and that I can’t go around the house dressed like that either because of her husband. I find it absolutely disgusting that she said that since he is a fifty year old man and he should in no way be interested in me. And she even said that next week, when we’re going to the beach in Spain, that I can’t wear revealing clothes there either. That kind of horrified me since it’s going to be hot, and I didn’t realise how far she would take it.
She also said that it’s the girl’s fault if she gets raped or catcalled when she’s wearing skimpy clothes. Um no? Boys should learn that girls aren’t sexual objects. Rape simply shouldn’t be happening. Only sick people would rape someone, no one in their right mind would do that to a girl (or a boy).
While catcalling is a bit more harmless, it’s still extremely demeaning and it just shows how pathetic the boy is. It is in no way the girls fault if she gets raped . It will always be the rapists fault. All that the girl was doing was existing, and maybe wearing something a bit revealing. If someone takes this girl and forces her to have sex with him, then it’s completely his fault. Same thing goes for sexual assault.
We were born naked, we were supposed to continue our lives naked if it hadn’t been for Adam and Eve. But if there’s a little line formed by two lumps of fat, it’s a scandal, she gets called a slut. Boobs were created to breast feed children, but are seen as sexual objects. And that’s alright. If you want to see boobs as sexual, go ahead. I wouldn’t want to walk around topless either, but showing a bit of the top of your breasts really isn’t that scandalous.
So no, I don’t believe that girls should have to cover up. I believe that boys should stop being perverts, and people should stop judging people depending on how they dress. Girls don’t dress for the boys, they dress for themselves, if the boys like it, then it’s a plus.
Wearing something to impress a certain someone is also ok in my opinion. And wearing extra revealing things just to show off your assets is also ok. Just be prepared for the name calling, because it’s going to happen. People are always going to judge other people. Everyone has their own opinions. And we should all respect other people’s opinions.